The results of Google’s “Project Oxygen”, a multiyear initiative developed to determine those qualities in managers most successful in enhancing a team’s success, found some interesting results. What they found was, yes, driving a team to focus on results and productivity was valuable, but so were more human and humane characteristics, like decency, respect, and generosity. This seemed counterintuitive to some; expected in others.
These qualities in a manager engendered trust, and this, in return, made teams more willing to want to cooperate with that manager. This seems in sync with much research today about managers complimenting and praising, rather than criticizing.
And as I have said again and again, this runs against my grain – or what used to be my grain – my childhood in a blue-collar family who told me to roll up my sleeves and get with it. My only value, it seemed, was how much money I made and how hard I worked. I mean, look at the Kennedy’s. (Yeah, right…)
I was lonely during the Covid lockdown. I longed for connection with others. Zooming and talking on the phone didn’t do it for me. I really saw how true it was when I heard that we humans were hard-wired for connection. Lacking a social bond caused a great deficit in me.
Once things changed, and I was able to go to lunch with clients, or see them on the golf course, I settled down. Not everyone is like this, I realize. But I sure am.
The qualities of gratitude and compassion are essential to engender connection, which in turn engenders pride. The author states this in many ways.
I feel good about myself when I am of service to someone or something. The work I do as a coach doesn’t count because I get paid. This isn’t service, although coaching is considered a “helping” profession. I have learned about the concept of “self-less service.” It is amazing. Especially when I do things that no one finds out about. If I told you what those things were, you would find out, now wouldn’t you?
We have all seen our kids puff up with pride when they have done something great: made a home run in softball or scored a goal, or even finished a seemingly insignificant homework project.
Well, we can be the same with our team. Even when we want to pull our hair out as managers and scream, “It took you all this time to do something this menial?? Arghhh!!!”
Using empathy, compassion and good old “acting as-if” (to activate gratitude) can work wonders for ourselves and anyone stuck in the quagmire of low self-esteem or poor productivity or, most especially, a tendency to speak in a self-deprecating way.
I will never forget the first time my therapist pinned me on that one! She said, “Oh for goodness’ sake! Spiritual pride masking as humility! Give me a break!!!”
My style may not be quite that direct, but there is a way to let people know they can trust you, they can bond with you, that you want social interaction and not just professional and transactional interactions with them. And that you aren’t going to condone them speaking in a negative way about themselves or others.
These qualities engender gratitude. And gratitude forms relationships. And relationships are the basis for good coaching.
What do you think?